Wendy's Blogging demonstrations the Law of Attraction in action...


A Family United

 

January 14, 2012

 

Today I followed my Inner Being's leading to drop by a friend's home and was positioned to bring comfort, guidance and encouragement to a family in crisis. Everyone involved showed courage even while facing the uncomfortable feelings of the unknown. We used our feelings to guide the conversation which began at the feelings of depression and feeling unheard and ended up with feelings of relief and being understood. But, first old auto-programming of "not being heard" had to be dismantled, in order to let the "hearing" penetrate. New behaviors replaced old ones. And the process of negotiating new relationships within the family have begun. It was truly a rewarding experience. 



If making changes were only as simple as reading a self-help book

 

January 14, 2012

 

Simply knowing where the problem originated and knowing what's at the bottom of the unwanted behaviors is NOT enough to create the change... if it were, everyone that's ever identified their issue while reading a self-help book, would be free from that thing! But, alas, the trauma caused neurological connections to be made -- which have been running on auto-pilot ever since. And it's changing the neurological connection that's necessary to undo the programming.



Truly, not everyone wants help, even when it's offered for free

 

January 13, 2012

 

I've offered my life skills coaching to him multiple times, after all he's like family. He said he never wanted to experience this level of emotional pain from his repeated failures anymore. So, being the helper I am, I encouraged him that help was available and I would help him.

 

That's Phase One: He's in bad shape and says all the right words that trigger me to offer assistance. He's emotionally vulnerable and open.

 

Then, Phase Two begins: We meet for a session which uncovers significant insight. Historical/traumatic moments that set this destructive pattern in motion become obvious. I provide insight into the destructive pattern, and he "gets it." He mirrors back in his own words how he really understands.

 

Phase Three: He feels enlightened and relieved with a new plan of how to make positive changes. I feel valued.

 

Phase Four: Time goes by which allows life to happen so he can apply these new positive changes. And he's pleased in the results of the new behaviors. This phase usually lasts a number of weeks, sometimes months.

 

Phase Five: He blows off appointments and he stops engaging in conversation where his issues can possibly be discussed. He's not interested in any new discoveries; the old patterns start to show up again. His openness and vulnerability are but a distant memory. I try to intervene, hoping to prevent the old patterns from being fully embraced. But, it's too late. The next drama erupts.

 

It's not so much as the old pattern has emerged, this time I realized this IS the pattern:

 

1) Ouch

2) Please help

3) Relief from the unbearable pain

4) Not in so much pain anymore

5) No more sense of urgency to change

6) Destructive patterns are re-engaged

7) Slippery slope into depression and restlessness

8) Looking for an escape to break free from the pain

9) Crisis erupts – but feeling free, until reality sets in

10) Ouch... the cycle begins again!



I stop feeling guilty that a solid change didn't occur on my watch. I realize he's not really ready for that level of change. The most loving thing I can do is let him go and STOP thinking negatively about him. And trust that I've provided value that can be considered at a later time, perhaps when he's really ready for change. Remind myself that his Inner Being is always providing moment by moment guidance. And it's not my business as to when & how he aligns with his internal guidance. I remind myself what I'd experienced many times in the past that unless there's some kind of investment (financial or other) in the process, seldom is there a real commitment to the process of change. My need to help is more about me than him. I move on... wiser for the experience. 



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